A year ago, today, my mum was killed in a car accident. I’m thinking about mum today, although to be honest, I think about her every day. Today does not seem harder than the rest (for me). I’m also reflecting on what I’ve learned about grief this past year.
10 Things I’ve Learned About Grief
- Grief brings life‘s fragility into focus.
- Grief forever changes the landscape of your life to before and after.
- Grief is less about location and more about where you are. Grief follows you. There is no getting away from it.
- Other people can help soothe your loss and grief, but no one can take it away. It is yours to hold, yours to integrate. The worst grief is always yours.
- Grief has a way of making you see more clearly.
- Grief opens the way for deeper appreciation and letting go of the inconsequential things.
- Grief is hard to predict.
- Grief is a life-changer and a thought-shaper.
- Grief is exhausting.
- Grief doesn’t decrease over time but rather has a way of making your life expand to grow around it and include it in everything that comes from that point on.
These are some of the things I’ve learned about grief this year. What I know for sure is that grief is different for everyone.
Here are some of the things I’ve done this year to support myself in the grief journey.
5 Things I did to Help Myself Grieve
- Practicing self compassion. Asking myself, “What do you need now?”
- Giving myself time and space for grief. I spent quite a lot of time in the initial months working through the exercises in the book Mourning and Mitzvah by social worker and rabbi Anne Brener.
- Practicing non-judgment and acceptance (both for myself and others). Letting go of the idea that grief should look a certain way or follow a particular path
- Allowing the waves of grief (even those that showed up at inconvenient times); adjusting my schedule and workload accordingly
- Talking to supportive, caring friends.
This Week’s Photos
In honour of grief, I’ve chosen some photos I took in the last 6 weeks to share with you today.
If you are trying to re-imagine your life after grief and think coaching might be a good fit, please connect with me.
2 thoughts on “10 Things I’ve Learned About Grief”
My dear Sue
This is so perfect. My heart has been with you, your dear papa and your brothers today but reading this post of yours just ties it all together. It was your precious mum who taught me about how to handle my grief when I lost Norman. She said like you have said that you can¹t escape from it, it follows you wherever you go. She most importantly told me that you can¹t go around it, you have to go through it. This was so important for me to know. And grief does change you, you are never the same again but you can slowly learn to live with it and understand it and reach out to others and listen to their grief journey. As you also say we all experience it differently.
Special love to you all safely in Canada in the winter but with each other.
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Thank you, Sal. How lovely to hear how mum encouraged you through your grief. Will pass on your love to dad.