(Estimated reading time 3 minutes)

At one time or another, most of us experience pain as a result of interactions with other people – sometimes that pain is focused on a particular experience. Those weighty incidents, the swirl of words, can continue to have power over us many years later as if we’re somehow stuck there in that moment. So how do you move beyond those experiences – especially where it is not possible to talk directly with the person who hurt you.

You need to find a way to go back to the point of your pain. I know that sounds counterintuitive and it’s the last thing you want to do. You’ve been trying to get as far away from that moment as you can, but somehow it shadows you. The way beyond your emotional pain is right through the middle of it. You need to find a way to go back to the most painful place. If you’re not ready now, there will come a time when your desire to move beyond the experience you had will be stronger than the desire to avoid the pain of that place. That’s when you will know that you are ready.

If you are able to, go back to the physical location of the incident. If that is not possible, in your mind take a trip back. Acknowledge what happened and the pain it has caused you. I’m not asking you to re-live that moment – it’s more like taking time to see what you lost straight on. It could be that the person took something you didn’t realize they were taking from you at the time. Perhaps your ability to see the truth about yourself was lost. It could be your peace of mind that was taken, or your capacity to move beyond the incident. You’ve come to your point of pain to claim back what was lost and to create a different memory in place of the one that haunts you. Speak the truth to any lies that were created in that moment. It could be something like “I am trustworthy”, “I am brave”, “I am enough”. As you stand in that place of painful memory realize that you have already started to build something better there – you’ve brought with you the strength and courage to face that painful time in your life. These are the gifts, strength and courage, that will help you to see and know that what happened does not define your character, decide your present nor determine your future. Only you can do that.

Photo by Stephen Leonardi on Unsplash


Here’s to living with clarity, courage, compassion and confidence.

If you know someone who is stuck as a result of a painful experience, please consider sharing this blog with them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s