I’ve been thinking quite a bit this week about communicating with others from a place of presence rather than a place of need.

Most often we communicate from a place of need – our need to be heard, accepted, understood, our need to be liked, to sell an idea, to teach something. Our needs may be unarticulated or even unconscious, but they are often directing our interactions with others. This kind of communication is less about connection, and more about randomly flinging out our thoughts and hoping they make contact. When we try to talk this way, we often miss each other. We might appear to be listening, but we are often just caught up in our own heads. Perhaps we are thinking of our next response or mentally rehearsing what we want to get across to the other person.

What changes if we come to our connection with others from a place of presence? What if we still ourselves long enough to really see the other person and be seen? What if we let go of figuring out what we want to say next, let go of how we’re going to get them to see our point, and just be present? Just see, be willing to be seen and let it unfold from there?

I was thinking that the coaching relationship is like that. It’s about learning to be still long enough to see yourself and to let someone else really see you. That’s one of the immensely difficult and enormously liberating things about it. I get excited when I hear from others that practising this kind of seeing/being has made a positive impact on them. Here’s what one of my coaching clients, Michelle said.

Be present. Be curious. See. Allow yourself to be seen.