This post is the second of a series of blogs in which I will examine the transitions of the last 18 months – from administrator to writer, coach and speaker.
Previously in part 1 … It was such a powerful experience that I recall wanting to look around to see if anyone else had “heard” it. I was alone but for the fleeting glimpse of possibility present in my thoughts. I was intrigued and felt the flickering of hope that there might be something unique and valuable I could share with others – a contribution I could make.
The idea of a blog hinged on being able to write, and I had no idea if I could put something together that others would want to read. I was not even sure that I knew what a blog was or how one went about sharing it with others. There were so many fears present, not least of which was my thought that I had always called on others to solve my technology problems. How would I navigate having to do this on my own? The newness of it all was both frightening and exhilarating. Could I really learn all these things at age 48? Did I have the capacity for it? I had my work cut out for me and went about it with a fierce focus.
I love a plan, so I made a list of things to get done before publishing my blog and gave myself two months to figure it all out.
The start date I had picked to begin sharing publicly was chosen somewhat arbitrarily (at least I thought it was at the time). I decided on it according to how long I thought I would need to complete my list, but looking back, the date itself seems significant. How could I have known that my official Beyond the Shadow beginning would occur in the same week that I would experience an unexpected and painful ending? What I had planned as a hobby, a personal growth experiment became something much more noteworthy – a light in a dark place – during a period marked by loss and stress. Strangely, it was making the commitment to writing about moving beyond the shadows that kept me moving forward. What I really wanted to do was disappear, hole-up somewhere until I felt better, close myself, shrink, stop trusting, stop giving, stop letting people into my life. The premise of the blog, to move beyond the shadows, and the knowledge that it had somehow found me rather than me looking for it, kept pushing me forward. The weekly commitment to publish something never allowed me enough time to let myself slide entirely into the dismal place I wanted to go.
Through the darkness of that time, I never lost track of the thought that somehow God had known what would happen, that He had provided me what I needed to keep moving ahead. I had the flickering of a new future in my mind as I thought back to the unusual birth of the idea, the serendipitous timing of a significant end and a hopeful beginning in the same week, and a vision for ordinary people (like me) being able to live extraordinary lives.
Next week in part 3 – The act of putting my thoughts in writing and sharing them with others was a bold move for me, not only because it was a time of my life I wanted to shrink and hide, but also because it took visibility and vulnerability to a new and very uncomfortable level. Being seen was not something I ever aspired to, but it seems it was an effective antidote to my insecurity and the fear of what others thought of me.
I work with women to awaken the courage to find their version of extraordinary and live it! I’d love to put my honours degree in social work and my expertise in coaching to work for you. Connect with me here.
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