Do you want to feel better about yourself and your life? Do you want to feel more confident or better able to make a difference? Try focusing on what is right.
Have you ever checked almost everything off your to do list, and you end up focusing on the one thing you didn’t manage to get done? It ends up taking away your sense of accomplishment for all the things you did achieve. The same thing can happen with relationships. Do you end up focusing on the one thing the person does that drives you crazy even when they do so much that is right? What is the impact of your focus on what is wrong?
There were a couple of times last week I caught myself focusing on the small failures and forgetting about all that had gone right. I was reflecting on my week – a practice I do each Monday for the previous week. I look for things to celebrate from the week before – wins or accomplishments. As a recovering perfectionist, I can easily fall into the trap of focusing on what is wrong and set myself up with completely unrealistic goals. This practice helps me to remember to find what is right. Last week there were 7 things that fell into the celebration category. There was 1 area that really didn’t go well.
Looking for what is right is not about denying what isn’t going well. It isn’t about not allowing yourself to feel negative emotions or striving for a good-vibes only life. Allow your emotions but choose your thoughts and behavior. Looking for what is going right is about training yourself where to put your attention. It is about focusing your thoughts on what is going well instead of fixating on what is wrong. Allowing yourself to focus on what is going well can also give you the confidence and energy to address what is not going so well.
Part of the practice in weekly reflections, is also setting weekly intentions for the upcoming week. This includes looking back at what didn’t go well in a truth-seeking but non-judgmental, compassionate way and deciding what you can do better next time.
If you’re someone who tends to focus on the one thing that went wrong, try focusing instead on what is going right.
Here are 7 of my celebrations from last week:
- An international health care company offered me a coaching position. I am one of the first coaches to be hired in Canada! I love that I can also continue to see private clients.
- I hosted a successful baby shower for my kids – friendly, fun, creative.
- I led worship at church in a way that felt like it stretched my boundaries – creative and courageous. (Courageous in that I was trying something that felt new and scary because I felt I could easily mess it up.)
- I went to the local photography club for the first time and the club inspired me to take photographs again.
- I had someone I’d met once a few years back reach out and want to start coaching.
- I did an interview that I was nervous about, and I was happy about how it went. It is a short 7 minute interview talking about who I coach and how I help them. You can listen to it here (just scroll down the page a little)
- I completed an assignment to give verbal and written feedback to developing coaches in a way that was encouraging but also told the truth.
What didn’t go well – my concussion recovery and physio exercises. My intention for this week was to focus there. I’m happy to say that I am doing well in that area this week. I even went swimming again for the first time in a long time!
I am learning to be more gracious with myself in knowing that I can not do everything all in a week. If something matters and I didn’t give it attention last week, I’ll give it more focus this week.
I believe change is possible. There is no part of us that is beyond redemption. It’s never too late to begin. Just because change is hard, doesn’t mean it is impossible. I believe developing courage makes a difference. I believe in the power of perseverance – small incremental actions, taking the next step and not giving up. I believe in holding on to hope. This is why I coach.
If you are interested in coaching, connect with me here.